Paul Relph


Halloween 2008: Giacomo (as a nerd) and Paul (as a killer tomato)
(photo by Joyce Gearhart)

See more pictures of, by or about Paul.


The debt

There's something in D.C.
It's as big as can be
It is Tyrannosaurus debt!
We must feed the debt!
You got to be set
to feed the debt!
When we have a war,
the debt eats even more,
when it grows large,
it'll be fed by a barge.
It only eats taxes,
can't cut the taxes,
even with axes.
We must feed the debt.

by Paul Relph
Oct. 25, 2005


Fly fly

by Paul Relph
February 2004

Once upon a time there was a house, which was in a merry town. But one thing was mysterious. It was something about the trash can. In the night, people see a light coming from the trash can. This was a house.

Inside, two flies lived. Once, a baby fly was born. Two days later his parents were killed by the dreaded fly-swatter. He was heart-broken but he was brave; he was not a superhero, but he did it. He packed up money, clothes, and a pair of hand-made antennae warmers. He went outside then buzzed off, BZZZZZZZZZZZZ.

He payed for his room at the Innvertebrates Inn and then dozed off to sleep. In the morning, he went to a friend's house, Cattipii. He stayed at his house for two weeks. He went to Insect Academy, where he learned to read and write and learned math. He went to the store then to his house. He did this weekly. Now people sometimes find a little house in Paul's trash can.

This happened in Bayport.


Collected Wisdom

"Life doesn't go on as you expect."
(December 2002)

"Ew, what's the dog eating?"
(March 2001)

"Red nose
Red propeller
Red nose
Supposed to have yellow."
(10 January 2001)

"SUVW camper van!"
(6 August 2000)

"If it was raining noodles, we could open the ceiling up so that the noodles could come in and I could eat it and you could eat it and mother could eat it. Would that be fun?!"
(11 June 2000)

"That's because firefighters drool. They do!"
(7 January 2000)

"Old MacDonald had a farm
E-I-E-I-O
And on that farm he had an egg
Break break break break break

"Old MacDonald had a farm
E-I-E-I-O
And on that farm he had a vacuum
Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

"Old MacDonald had a farm
E-I-E-I-O
And on that farm he had a car
Vroommmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm"
(1 December 1999)

"I need to go to the doctor. My feelings hurt."
(October 1999)

"I don't see any pens. Maybe Auntie Adrienne took them all."
(2 September 1999)

"Why do monsters crush banana people? Why do monsters eat mountains? Do pansies grow?
(26 August 1999)

"Bats make fancy fires for people to look at. Some bats eat fish, and some bats eat grass, okay?"
(12 August 1999)


14 March 2009 / John Relph and Jennie Larkin